My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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