Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
