I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
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