she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
