the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
They have beer where we have blood.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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