I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
