I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she pinky promised me she was 18
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Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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