The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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