This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
