that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
