You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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