Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
