A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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