She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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