I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
