he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
