I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
