when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
