The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
