I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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