Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
