I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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