I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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