I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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