My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
