I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
