South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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