just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
