**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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