"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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