I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
