her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
it's like heaven, but drunker
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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