Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
