Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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