YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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