Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
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Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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