I don't think brook has ever known best
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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