I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
