It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Four minutes until I can fart!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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