I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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