I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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