so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I pour the whiskey from now on
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
