did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
