Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
