I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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