Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Randomize
