I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Bring me that man meat
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
