It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
