Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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