I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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