I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
