guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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