There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
