I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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