So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
