So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
