Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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