I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
