either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We need to rekindle our bromance
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
