Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
