Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
