Can Purell be used as lube?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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