For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
