you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
