I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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