God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
