your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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