her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I need to stop coming to work sober
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
